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Slow Down and Smell the Yellow Perch
Illustration by Jack UnruhWhile camping at Pennsylvania's Lake Marburg this summer, I convinced four kids—three of them mine—to go fishing. A direct approach (Hey, who wants to go fishing?) draws yawns...
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The Terrorists Won This One
I recently donated a knife to the TSA. It was a little Spyderco that I think had been developed precisely for airline carry—small blade, no lock. Old school. I thought that law had passed. I took the...
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How to Put an Exercise Ball Up Your Butt
I just took one of those online “guess your mental age” tests. I aced it. My results showed the maturity of an 18 year old, which is about five years above what Michelle thinks. Too bad my body isn’t...
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The 10,000-Lumen, Ever-Last, TV Torch
One big problem with the outdoors, besides the bugs, is that it totally ruins TV for you. Take torches, for example.While car camping recently, we were sitting around a roaring blaze in our fire ring....
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Crossbows Mean More Time to Hunt, Or to Learn Sanskrit
There’s an old New Yorker cartoon of an arrogant, clueless one-percenter at his desk, telephone in hand. “I’ve just been informed that a billion is one thousand million. Why wasn’t I told this...
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How Not To Catch Frogs
The Walking Dead’s Shane is one serious redneck. You know this because as early as Season I, Episode 3, he undertakes two quintessentially redneck tasks: (1) Cleaning a shotgun, and (2) teaching a kid...
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The Deer Imperative
Sigmund Freud is recognized for having discovered and described some of the primitive and powerful desires that animate the human psyche. Among these are the Oedipus complex, the sex drive, the birth...
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Dollar-a-Foot Climbing Rope—or Death?
Illustration by Jack UnruhI really don’t want to die falling out of a treestand. One of the things I most dislike about death is that you don’t get to speak at your own funeral. Which means that nobody...
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Technology Keeps Making Everything Better
I am a bowhunter by choice and inclination. I like the challenge of mastering what—as crossbows gain popularity—is increasingly referred to as a "vertical bow." I like having to get close to my quarry...
View ArticleHeavey vs. The Nocturnal Yearling
I'm so mad at the deer I've been hunting that I could shoot one.On my last two outings, I've set up a climber along deer trails in the small woodlot where I was invited to hunt by my friend Patrick...
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How to Hang a Stand for Under $5,000
I've always been a climber man. This is mostly because I don't own very much of anything, including land or the money it takes to lease land. I recently met a guy who leases a 1,000-acre farm on...
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Rut Crazy
Gentlemen, this is it. These first days of November are among the most exciting and explosive of the rut. All it takes is one doe to decide it's time, and the woods will suddenly be full of bucks...
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The Deer Baiting Merry-Go-Round
I’ve been hunting some lovely woods not six miles from my house. I’m talking about beautiful, mature hickory and oaks mixed with thick patches of mountain laurel. Gorgeous place. Some of the oaks are...
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Nothing Ruins the Rut Like a Deere
You know it’s the rut when, scarcely out of your own driveway, you see a four-pointer with a swollen neck standing 30 yards off the road in an open field, wearing an urgent-but-confused expression on...
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How to Hunt Your Brains Out
When I had a real job, I dreamed of hunting my brains out. Now that I don’t, I think I have. The thing about being your own boss is that you pretty much know if you’re faking when you call in sick—and...
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How to Prepare to Begin Packing
Every time I have to pack for a trip, I panic. It’s as if, despite having traveled to remote parts of the world for decades, I have never before packed a bag. I have no idea why this is. Smart,...
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Swamp Donkeys On Deer Meth
Self-esteem among prey animals is a delicate thing. And, I’m concerned about the messages we’re sending with the names we give to corn and other attractants. What deer wants to be called Swamp Donkey...
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The "Real" Story of Thanksgiving
"Our harvest being gotten in, our governor sent four men on fowling, that so we might after a special manner rejoice together after we had gathered the fruits of our labor. They four in one day killed...
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Sol Lunar Tables: The Sun, the Moon, and the Truth
I’ve never been a big believer in Sol Lunar tables, mostly because I don’t know any deer that get them. Even if they did, I’m pretty sure they’d have trouble reading them. I know I do. They loose me...
View ArticleGetting Deer Vs. Getting Soft
I have not killed a deer this year. I’m not going to tell you or myself how many times I’ve been out. Sometimes, it’s better not to know the numbers. Let’s just say that if a football player posting...
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